My Facebook Manifesto. [06May2017]

These days I use Facebook far, far less often than I used to.

This is due to the actions, in aggregate, of the majority of other parties on there, whose policies concerning Facebook use and abuse I disagree with, and believe to be counter of the broad public interest.

It’s time to take a personal stand, and launch my own manifesto.

If elected to be your “friend” on Facebook, I promise that a Steve Conway government will adhere to the following:
ONE:  I will never enroll you in groups without having sought your explicit permission beforehand.  This applies to all catorories of groups – including the below, listed along with the frequency with which they are usually encountered:

  • annoying groups, (10%)
  • offensive / racist / hate groups (5%)
  • Groups just set up to self-promote (12%)
  • Groups Which Have No Relevence Whatsoever to the Unwilling Enrolee (72%)
  • Groups you actually might be interested in (1%)

TWO: I will not send you Calendar invitations to “events” unless they are actual physical events to which you as a physical human being are invited.  I will also not send calendar invites for events which are on the other side of the world, and which you have no realistic prospect of attending, unless you are my sister/cousin/best friend and I am willing to coordinate the event with your travel plans.
THREE: I will never tag you in posts which do not actually directly involve you, and even for those my use of tagging will be moderate.
FOUR I will never, under any circumstances, try to guilt-trip you into sharing/re-posting anything I post by implying that 93% of people won’t repost the content, but that genuine people who care about abused kittens / tragic world events / purple toasters will.

FIVE: Under most circumstances, and unless directly attributed, my thoughts will be my own.
SIX: I will not hijack your popular post to add comments promoting my own commercial interests.  (Such as, for example, join in a “Happy Birthday xxx thread to plonk an advert for diet pills into the comments).
SEVEN:  I will not tell you that Facebook is about to start charging subscription from next Tuesday, that Buddy Holly has just died, or that next month is the only one in 888 years to have five Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays, firstly because I fact check against reputable news organisations anything dramatically newsworthy, but mainly because I am not an idiot.
EIGHT: Notwithstanding all of the above, I do acknowledge that I will probably make an idiot of myself at some point, but I will try very hard not to make an idiot of you, or a nuisance of myself.


Author’s Note:  This is an original list written ad-hoc by myself Steve Conway on Saturday 6th May 2017, at Starbucks, Nutgrove Shopping Centre, Dublin, Ireland.  

Should, by any remote chance, this list strike a chord, it will doubtless be re-posted by lots of people all claiming to have written it for themselves.   As Fleetwood Mac put it so eloquently in the 1960s:  “Oh Well”.

Steve Conway



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